You’re cold, you’re tired, work is making you want to have a little cry under your desk and you’ve got a couple of hundred quid in your savings account that you were going to put towards a new car.
You’ve already decided, it’s going to happen, you’re going on a holiday.
- I’d like some sun. Can I get sun for only a few hundred pounds at this time of year? Oooh look, week on the Costa Del Sol for £95 including flights…
- Oh, it’s ten degrees in Spain now. I can’t tan in ten degrees, can I?
- Oh, and it has no stars and looks an awful lot how I imagine a drug den to look. Hmm, OK, no.
- Wait, if that’s only £95, maybe I can afford like Mexico or the Maldives or Thailand or something if I just eat noodles and toast for a while. OH MY GOD THIS IS EXCITING, just think of the possible Instagram uploads. Everyone will be so ridiculously jealous. I love life.
- So many infinity pools, so many palm trees, so many sandy beaches. THIS IS IT, THIS IS ME. Oh, huh, casual two grand. I could put this on my credit card…
- I won’t put this on my credit card because I’ll end up being on some TV show about people who can’t afford their debts. Maybe I should just go on some glam low-cost city break instead. Sob. So much sob.
- Well, Paris and Rome are pretty blinking pricy aren’t they?
- Ooh, maybe I should gallivant off somewhere up-and-coming and cool instead, somewhere that doesn’t have the Euro. Ooh, how about somewhere in Eastern Europe maybe?
- Uh, Poland and Czech Republic have average temperatures just above freezing at this time of year. I’m going to go with no, absolutely no.
- I might just not go on holiday and I’ll have a little cry on the sofa instead because this is ripping my soul into teeny tiny shreds and I’m not strong enough to cope with this sort of challenging pain.
- OH MY GOD A 4* HOLIDAY TO TURKEY FOR LESS THAN £300 AND IT MIGHT EVEN HIT TWENTY DEGREES. I must book immediately.
- Oh good, someone on TripAdvisor said they found a pube in the shower, cockroach on the bed and compared it to the ‘depths of hell’. I mean, yes, that’s a terrible review, but maybe I should go anyway. Maybe?
- Wait, if I go on holiday do I have to take that weird little blue EU health card with me? Does that do anything? Is it the same as travel insurance?
- So, here’s a question internet, why is Thomas Cook and LastMinute.com so much more expensive than everywhere else? No, but seriously, why?
- I haven’t booked a holiday and I have pretty much no money, BUT HELLO BIKINI IN ASOS SALE.
- Ooh, and do I need factor 15 or factor 30? Will I stay pale on 30? I really should buy the higher one just in case… and yes, this factor three oil also. Vital.
- Oh look 475855462 different people I went to school with have uploaded their holiday photos of Egypt up on Facebook. Maybe I should just go to Sharm El Sheik. Even if it is a bit y’know, obvious.
- 5* All Inclusive for £409. I am going. I am leaving the UK. This is it. Goodbye everyone. Live good lives. Hello, sunshine.
- Left it a bit late, but err, how does one get rid of this excess belly fat?
